Sticks and Stones

So here I am – home alone happily putting down Meer for his nap, when Kasimbi comes in to tell me the landlord is here and wants to talk with me. Now – some background info for those of you who have NOT been to our house – it is a sh*t box. Well – maybe THAT is a bit of an overstatement, but it IS safe to say that it is it is a brand new house that was built like sh*t, and is owned by a wanna-be slumlord. Basically.

So since FEB-RU-ARY we have been living with a big hole in the kitchen wall – where the tiles have actually popped off the wall due to the house settling into a… lagoon??? Pretty much. Then there are the endless issues with hot water – the heaters are usually broken. The jist of it is that the whole house is run on 9 breakers. When my dad comes over, he pops open the breaker box just to have a LAUGH! Seriously. I am not joking.

There is also the 4 foot fence at the front of the property beside the gate – a true joke in land of security and “compound” living.

We have mold growing under the stairs, and under the kitchen sink. (special, huh??) I mean – the house is falling apart.

Literally.

Has anyone seen Lemony Snicket Series of Unfortunate Events?? Remember the scene where the storm breaks apart the house and the children are left standing in the doorway with the rest of the house crumbling behind them? Well – that is our house! And to top it off – the last time I asked the landlord to fix it, we ended up in an ARGUMENT!! Seriously. So imagine my JOY to know I was home alone (without my warrior husband – he is off watching an international cricket match) and the guy was waiting to see me in the driveway. (gag)

So I go out, and after him laughing at me and saying the “home repairs” were up to the tenant to do, and me saying “fine, we’ll move”, we came to an understanding: The house needs to be repaired – he has to pay for it – and that’s that. He likes to pretend he is all worldly, and lives in the States (lie) – so he is too far above us to care about home repairs. Uh… ya. Whatever. Like I give two hoots to pee with the guy. Ya know?? Please. FIX YOUR HOUSE. Joker.

So I made a list of all the things that were broken, and he agreed to get them fixed – even went so far as to act shocked that they weren’t fixed the LAST time I bitched. (sure.) Anyway – we have agreed to get the repairs done ourselves, and deduct the cost from the upcoming rent. Oh – I should also explain that rent is due every three months here in Kenya, and it is due on the 22nd! Hence him actually showing up and pretending to CARE. Ugh. Faker. Anyway – Kush always said it was wrong to do repairs and deduct it from the rent – that is was tacky. But I say – Hell Yeah!!!

Anyway – he is gone. And I can get the house fixed… finally! He wants me to email him the quotes – so lets see how cheap his ass gets when he isn’t looking me in the eye. Hmn.

Well – I am feeling a bit better now – nothing like a good vent to lighten the load! THANKS! Ha ha ha!!!