Late Night Ponderings...

Thank you Tracey!!! (She wrote another very nice thing on her blog!)

Anyway - Yes - I am exhaused! Been fiddlign with this blog, and downloading the picaboo software ( www.picaboo.com ) for HOURS - my connection is so slow!! 88% now - had to restart it 5 times so far! (make that SIX...)

Anwyay - I have to admit I am kinda NERVOUS. I mean - it is one thing to get yourself approved, and quite another to have an APPOINTMENT to SELECT your new DAUGHTER!! Ya know? It's overwhelming. Truely. It's like - when they called to say we are approved to adopt achild, they said we were to come on MONDAY to select her... and I mean - MONDAY??? That is like a few HOURS away!! It's shocking. My brain can't wrap itself around it, for some reason.

It's like a hair appointment, or something casual like that!!

And I am really a bit concerned how I can handle both children at night... Meer is still fully dependant - wakes several times per night, and is used to having my full attention... ya know?

Our housegirl - Josaphine - she has just come back to work after having her baby. Her daughter is 4 months old, and living in the staff quarters. I take Meer out to see her everyday (as much as I can really!) and carry her around, etc, just to see if I can do it! So far I have handled both kids for like 15 minutes... twice. ha ha ha!! During the day I am pretty sure I can handle - especially considering I have help if I need it 8am - 5pm Monday to Saturday! But at night... I think it might be rough for a few days until everyone gets a routine down.

I know I am getting ahead of myself - still have to go and "select" our daugher. But now that we CAN... it's so much more real! And the waiting is harder to do, considering WE are the ones dragging our feet... we basically HAVE TO wait until we come back from our trip... and it is almost painful not having definate dates for our trip, etc. And then...

Is our daughter born yet? Is she crying right now? Is she scared? Is she not born yet? Is her birthmother thinking kindly towards her if she isn't born yet? Is she being cared for by someone? Is she safe?

Oh - I could go on. It's a whole new emotional ride to keep my brain and heart busy while we wait...