Tanaya's Lifebook - What Worked for Me

It started out with detailed pages of questions to ask the caretakers at the orphanage - our social worker - our lawyer. It ended up a wonderful story book based on a format of 2 pictures per page (just printed straight from the computer) with a text box between them. I used Microsoft Publisher, but I imagine the same can be accomplished in Word if you were savy enough!

I started by thinking of Tanaya's life - from the day she was born onward. I started with the weather on that day (check my other lifebook posts for helpful links - I think it was weatherunder.com, but don't quote me!!), and also sent someone to the "hospital" where she was born to take as many pictures as they could. Photography at the hospital is illegal, but I did manage to get a photo on a mobile phone from the doorway of the maternity ward where she spent the first 4 days of her life with her birth mother!! It's a lousy quality picture, but I was elated about it!! I also made a page about her birth mother - the name she used to sign into the hospital, and used clip art to make two pages about how she grew inside her birth mother - just like every other child has. I did, however, not refer to her birth mother as "birth mother". I used the Swahili version, which is Mama Mzazi. I wanted to avoid as much confusion for her as possible, and having two "mothers" certainly can be confusing!

I collected, scanned, and photocopied each document the orphanage had for her - all on different colored papers so it looks a bit more official. I included each and every paper I could find that was linked to her - anything with her name on it is proudly displayed on pages in her lifebook.

From there I embarked on a chronological photo journey of her life, starting at the orphanage. We took pictures of the outside, and then added a scanned photo of her at the orphanage on the day she arrived. I took pictures of her caretakers, and the lady who chose her and brought her to the orphanage. Pictures of her crib-mates, the other children at the orphanage, her bedroom, and the bedroom of the older children at the orphanage (one bedroom for 1 dozen girls, one bedroom for a dozen boys - 4 kids per bunk bed!) I took pictures of the kitchen, and the children eating. Where they played, and what they did for fun. The best thing I did was to remove a small piece of painted concrete from the door frame of her bedroom, complete with a DVD of me doing it, and photos of it for her lifebook!! Apparently having something to touch from her life before us is helpful for her when she gets older. They suggest a stone or something from the garden, but to be honest - it wasn't safe enough to leave the orphanage unless making a straight line for the car!!

I made a few pages from mapping the orpahange on Google Earth, as well as some shots taken on the fly while driving through the dodgy neighbourhood she lived in.


I added as many pages of our visits as possible, along with a picture of each of her visitors. I bought a dozen greeting cards from the grocery store and gave them to the staff at the orphanage to write in about a week before we were allowed to bring Tanaya home. The one or two people that cared enough to write something in them was worth gold!! I scanned them - front/back and inside, and then printed them off 4 per page, and added them to her lifebook.

For the day she came home, we added pictures of everyone who came to collect her, and copies of the foster care agreement, etc. We have a wonderful picture of Meer touching her for the first time (although we missed the one of her licking her face after I asked him is she was sweet! DARN!!) We have pictures of me carrying her and our son out of the orphanage, driving home, and then of course of Meer "carrying" her into the house and introducing her to our staff. Those are the most priceless pictures, let me tell you!! SWEET!

The next pages are of her routine at the orphanage, and her new routine at home.

We included lots of pictures of her in the first few days in our family - each new visitor, as well as where she slept, where she bathed, where she drank her bottles, ate her food, etc. I also took pictures of her in a sling out shopping with me!!

The best part is recording what people said about her. I took all the comments from her photos on Facebook and made pages of quotes - each one with a different font and different color - and documenting who said it and where they were from. We were lucky enough o get three pages of quotes from around the world!!

Next we also wrote her cards, scanned them, printed them off 4 per page, and added them to her lifebook.

To be honest, that is as far as I have gotten. The bones are there, and the hard part is done. But now I have to keep up with it, and finish off the last of her first year!

Oh - and I should explain my chosen format. I went for the binder version with page protectors. I printed out each page on MS Publisher, and then trimmed it down by an inch on each side. Then glued it onto luster board (fancy glittery card stock that comes in a multitude of fabulous colors and finishes) - one color for each section. That way I can add to it, subtract from it, print it again - it's flexible and absolutely non-committal. ;-D

Progress!!!

We handed in our application yesterday, and got a phone call from our new social worker – Caroline – today! Our joint interview is set for Wednesday morning at 9:00!!! Yee haw!! I’m SO thrilled. So that is all good news.

I have been working on the framework of a lifebook… making chapters for the various topics, and then questions that we need to find answers for as our journey progresses. I’ve changed it like 6 times!! I think it is pretty good now – NOT the version I have posted below. I have added a few more chapters (25 in total), and changed the wording to “Your Birth Day”, “Your Birth Parents”, etc. I have a page with questions on it for each topic, which I will keep with us during the entire adoption process – to write down answers, facts, full names, quotes, etc.

I lucked out and found some quite lovely locally produced cardstock to make the actual lifebooks from, and it comes in a variety of colors. I have used the chapter headings to arrange the blank pages in a binder with pager protector sleeves… the idea being I will have a place ready to assemble the lifebook as the story unfolds, with the flexibility to add and remove pages.

Anyway – That is about as far as I have gotten so far.

Oh! And now the LANS Committee meets twice a month to decide over the adoption applications, so we might not have to wait as long to get approved as we did before!! Adoption rates have doubled in Kenya over the past year (fabulous!!), and now about 12 children are adopted through our agency (Little Angels Network) every month. So that is great news, although still quite a small number compared to the vast number of orphans.
;-D

Lifebook Progress

I am making a "lifebook" for our future adopted child. A Lifebook is like a scrapbook that tells the story of their lives from the time they were born up until they are legally adopted into our family. It answers many of the questions an adopted child would have, is a tool to discussing adoption openly, and gives value to the early part of the child's life.

My goal is to have the framework done – and bound into a spiral book – that I can keep with me during the adoption process and ask and write down as many questions as I can think of... Can you think of any questions and/or topics that would be helpful to YOU, if you had been adopted? Any areas of your early life that would be important later on? The more questions the better, so if you ahve any suggestions, please let me know by commenting below this post.

Here is the framework I have done so far…


The Day I was Born
What date was I born?
Where was I born?
Who helped me?
What was the weather like?
What day of the week was it?

My Birth Parents
What information do we have about my birth mother?
How can we get more information about my birth mother?
What information de we have about my birth father?
How can we get more information about my birth father?
What are the traditions in Kenya for having babies?
Why did my birth parents give me up for adoption?
Did my birth parents love me?

When I Arrived at New Life Home Trust
When did I arrive at New Life Home Trust?
Where did I sleep when I first arrived?
How long did I stay there for?
Are there any pictures of me when I arrived?
Did I cry a lot when I first arrived?
Was I hungry?
Who was the first person to look after me?

My Medical Details
How was my health when I arrived?
How much did I weigh?
How tall was I?
How big was my head?
How was my health after 2 weeks?
How was my health after 1 month?
How was my health before my parents took me home?
Was I HIV Positive when I arrived?
Was I HIV+ when my parents took me home?

My Caretakers & What They Said
Who looked after me during the day?
Who looked after me at night?
Who was my favorite caretaker?
What did my caretakers say about me?
How did my caretakers sooth me when I was upset?.
What are the full names of the caretakers who looked after me?

My Daily Routine
What was my routine at New Life Family Trust?
What was my favorite thing to do?
What was my favorite thing to eat?
What was my favorite toy?
What was my favorite song?
Who was my favorite playmate?

When We First Met
What did you think when you first saw me?
What did you feel when you first saw me?
What did mama say?
What did daddy say?
What was I wearing?
Where was I?
What was I doing?
What did I say or do?
How did you know I belonged in our family?
How long after we met did you bring me home?
Why did it take so long?

Our Visits
How often did you come to see me?.
Was I happy to see you?
Did I know who you were?
What did we do together?
How many visits did we have before I was allowed to come home with you?
Was I sad when you had to leave?
How long did you stay with me on each visit?
Were you sad to leave me behind?
Did my brother come to visit me too?
Did Meer play with me when he visited?

When I Arrived at Home
When did I arrive at home with my parents?
Who came to visit me?
What preparations did my family make for me?
What did my brother think of me coming home?
How did we spend our first day together?
Did I sleep well in my new bed?
Was I scared?
Did I miss my caretakers and friends from New Life Home Trust?

Foster Period
What is a "Foster Period"?How long did the Foster period last?
How did my routine change?
How did my family's routine change?
What did people say when they met me?
When did Meer first show that he loved me?
What did Meer do to show that he loved me?
When did I first show that I loved Meer?
What did I do to show that I loved Meer?

Little Angels
What was the full name of our social worker?
What did he/she say about me?
How many visits did we have?
Where did we meet?
What did mama and daddy do during our visits?
What did I do while the social worker was visiting?
Did I enjoy the visits?

Counseling
What was the full name of our counselor?
What did we discuss during our talks?
How many times did we visit with him/her?
Where did we meet for our talks?
What did I do during our talks?
Did I enjoy our visits with the counselor?

Legal Proceedings
Date, Time, Event, Outcome...

Getting My Passports
When did I get my first Passport?
How old was I when I got my first passport?
What country was my first passport from?
When did I get my second passport?
How old was I when I got my second passport?
What country was my second passport from?

Celebrating My Legal Adoption
How did we celebrate my adoption becoming legal?
What was the date?
What day of the week was it?
What was the weather like?
Who came to share the day?
Did I receive any gifts?
Did I enjoy the party?
What did I do during the party?

What People Said About Me
Date: Name: Comment:

What Matters in a Family
1)
2)
3)

My Name
What is my full name?
What do my names mean?
Who picked my names?
Why did you pick the names you did?
How many names did you choose from?
How did you choose my names?
What was my name at New Life Family Trust?


My Heritage
What tribe am I from?
How can we find out what tribe I am from?
What traditions are important to my people?
What are the traditional rules for having babies?
What are the jobs that a mama would do?
What are the jobs that a daddy would do?
What are the jobs for children to do?
What would they do for fun?

All About Kenya
How old is Kenya?
What people live in Kenya?
What tribe do I come from?
What food do Kenyans eat?
What traditions do Kenyans have?
What are the National Holidays?
How do we celebrate each holiday?
What does a Kenyan person value?
What does a Kenyan person pride the most?
What makes being Kenyan special?

Time Capsule
What was happening in Kenya when I was born?
What was happening in the world when I was born?
Who were the popular actors?
What was the popular music?
What was the price of Milk in Kenya? Canada? USA?
What was the price of petrol in Kenya? Canada? USA?
What was the weather like?
What famous people were born on the same day?

Lifebooks: Getting Past the Initial Hurdle

Creating a lifebook may seem like a daunting task, especially when there is not an abundance of information about your child’s life before becoming a part of your family. It is actually easy and fun…once you get past that initial hurdle: "How do I start?"

That question is answered based on how much information you have available. Some adoptive parents (especially with domestic adoptions) have access to volumes of information about their child’s early life and may have a relationship with a birthmother that is very open to sharing intimate details. If you’re in this group, consider yourself lucky! You may be asking the question from the standpoint of how you should organize the wealth of information and myriad of photographs you have at your fingertips!

Other adoptive parents don’t have very much in the way of information or resources at all. For example, in an international adoption, an adoptive parent may not even know the birthmother’s name, the specific date and time or place of a child’s birth or a reason given for the adoption plan. If you fit this category, don’t worry! There are ways to address that lack of information.

For example, one of the most important pages in a lifebook is the one that describes the biological mother. Oftentimes several pages are dedicated to this special person in your child’s life. Ideally, you would have a full-length, high-quality color photo of her, but you may not even have a grainy, black and white facsimile of her profile from the shoulders up! In that case, you could always write something along the lines of:

"Did you know that something in your body called DNA, given to you by your birthparents, is responsible for the features that you have? Your birthmother passed on some of her physical traits to you. Because you have beautiful, light brown, wavy hair, chances are good that your birthmother did too!"

Where the specific date and time or place of a child’s birth is unknown, using maps and historical weather data can provide meaningful content for the lifebook page dealing with the child’s birth. Let’s say, for instance, that you don’t know the exact date and time of birth. One way to address this is to say:

"We think you were born during the summer of 2002 because the orphanage director said that when you came to the orphanage, you were about the same size as other children that were born then. And, although we don’t know the specific day, summers in Moscow are typically rather mild, about 70 degrees. I’ll bet the sun was shining extra bright on the day you were born."

If you don’t have specifics on the place of birth but want to give a good reference point, download a map from the internet that shows a town or region where your child was likely born, including landmarks or topography, if possible. Kids love maps!
Something else kids love is devotion. Your devotion to starting (and completing) a lifebook will be very much appreciated by your child. Hopefully this article helps you get past the initial hurdle if you were worried about the lack of material suited to such an important endeavor!

*****Written by Jennifer Demar, adoptive parent of two and owner of www.scrapandtell.com, an online store specializing in adoption scrapbooking supplies and multi-cultural products perfect for lifebooks.

Lifebooks - Activites for Waiting Parents

* Prior to your trip, compose a list of questions about your child’s early life.

* Emphasize questions relating to her background, such as when she came to the orphanage or foster home and who took care of her there, rather than her routine (such as her sleep schedule, which will be disrupted anyway).

* Try to anticipate the questions your child may have in the future.

* Talk with other adoptive parents about information they or their children wish they had.

* Exercising cultural sensitivity, gather as much relevant information for your child during your trip as you are able. Is it possible for you to visit your child’s birthfamily, foster parents, people who cared for your child—or your child’s birthplace?

* While traveling, when you’re in between trips to court or to the consulate, awake at night, or waiting for a plane, write it all down!

Lifebooks - What to Include

What do you imagine your child will wish to know about her earliest days, months, or years? Even though you probably don’t have the answers to all—or even some—of these questions, it’s helpful to keep them in mind.

1. Who gave birth to me?

2. Why couldn’t my birthparents raise me?

3. How and when did I get from my birthparents to the orphanage, foster parents, or other caretakers?

4. Who gave me my name?

5. What type of area or community did I live in?

6. What did my home look like? Did I share a room, crib, or bed?

7. With whom did I live? Who took care of me? What were their names?

8. What was my life like? What was my daily routine? What was my general health? What skills had I developed? Did I have any special friends? What were my favorite toys or foods? Do you know someone who may have photos or additional information about my early life?

9. Why was I not adopted sooner? (Your child was older.)

10. Where and how was my special need diagnosed? What special services or help, if any, did I receive?

11. Is my medical condition common in my country of origin?

12. Do I have biologically related siblings?

13. Did my birthparents die?

For more information, clic on the title of this post, or the following link (it's the same):
http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=350

Lifebooks - Martha's Tips

YES - click on the title of this post to view the original page - and a video of Martha doing these tips herself! (I think... my connection is WAY to sloe for that!!)

Take photos, color-copy them, cut them up, and glue them onto the pages of your scrapbook. You can also glue in all your letters, cards, and even emails from well-wishers.

Another great idea is to take a color photocopy of the front page of the newspaper for the day you're scrapbooking and then shrink it down. On the opposite page, you can write things that were relevant on that day, such as popular songs, world events, popular movies, and trends.

Take your favorite photo, upload it to your computer, and print it out nice and large. Then, paste it into the book. You can paint on one page with a travel watercolor kit, and then paste a picture onthe other page. If you're not an artist, you could just as easily journal on the page. Take pictures horizontal and vertically so you have the option of having it be a single page or a double-page spread.

Glue a Mylar envelope onto a page and tuck in the boarding passes, tickets or other memorabilia.

Included a sleeve with a DVD of the segment.

Another Tip: Take one big picture and embellish it. You can also write your child a postcard and mail it home, and then tuck that into a glassine sleeve.

You can also keep sand and small shells in a smaller envelope (don't forget to close it!) that you tuck inside.

Another trick is, instead of writing on the page of your actual scrapbook, write on a card and paste a picture in the middle, and slip that into an archival sleeve.

Lifebooks - The Time to Start is Now

Here we go again - click on the title to view the original document I stole (see author info at the end of the post) this from - I think this whole Lifebook thing is just SO important... ;-D

Good news for waiting families: pre-placement is a perfect time to start the lifebook process. Before children arrive, parents will have time - a luxury not often enjoyed once children are at home! Use that time to;

*keep a journal
*pay attention to non-critical information
*maintain alertness to the 'warm fuzzies'
*gather information by examining history and interviewing people involved in the placement.


Keeping a journal, says Massachusetts' ODS Adoption Community of New England, Inc., Executive Director Joan Clark, helps both process your own emotions and record vital pieces of information. Journaling permits us to rely on our experiences instead of our occasionally spotty memories. The adoption process can be lengthy and stressful, not unlike pregnancy. Holding on to an assortment of events, names, and hard and soft facts is next to impossible when you can't remember where you put the car keys some days. If you keep a journal, that journal will always be available for review.

Another way to start is by simply maintaining attentiveness. This is related to keeping a journal, because sometimes connections between events aren't made right away. Parents may receive pieces of information that don't fit neatly together. Only over time, after repeated exposure, do the pieces of the puzzle suggest where they might fit. In addition, synchronicity (unusual coincidence) seems to pop up a great deal in the adoption world. Sometimes these connections just call out, "This is unbelievable!" Reviewing a journal can help facilitate making these connections - but first we have to be sure we're paying attention to the details.

"A couple adopting from Russia was planning to follow their religious tradition of naming their new baby after a grandmother who had passed on... Often people choose either the first name or the first initial, which was M in this instance. When they received the referral papers, the baby's first name already started with M, and she was born the same day that the grandmother died." - as told to ODS Community NE Executive Director Joan Clark, adoptive mother.


These stories contribute to family history and honor a spiritual dimension. They enhance the 'legend' quality of the adoption story, giving children a sense that this was always meant to be. This sense may enhance positive feeling and help with acceptance of adoptive-family values once the teen years arrive!


A third way to start the lifebook process is to maintain alertness to 'warm fuzzies,' which are pieces of personal, family-oriented information that are not typically part of the official record. Waiting parents can be more sensitive to warm fuzzy facts as they engage in such pursuits as travel to birth countries, meetings with birthparents to discuss open adoption, or receipt of foster care placement information. As you move through the adoption process, developing lifebook 'antenna' for cute items and other tidbits will help you collect the stories your child will cherish.


One of the best times to soak up information - the fourth means of beginning a lifebook - is prior to placement. Once placement occurs, then the initial attachment period sets in. Sometimes this period isn't compatible with examining your child's birth history, placement history, or the reason s/he became available for adoption. (This is why it's best for foster children to be placed in adoptive homes with up-to-date lifebooks.) I often find that after placement it takes 12-18 months before the lifebook journey can be resumed.


Before placement occurs, search out those pieces of information that will turn to gold in the teen years, even during young adulthood. As the 'lifebook detective,' see this search as Job #1! The information you uncover will help lay the cornerstones of your new family's foundation.


Often, as a child becomes older, s/he will have numerous questions about the pre-placement period or birth family history. These might be as simple as, "What was the name of my favorite staff member at the orphanage?" or direct and complicated, such as, "Is my birth mother still alive?" During adolescence and early adulthood, adoption information takes on great significance.


Personally, I always hated doctor visits, when I had to say I knew nothing about my medical history. Medical information can be difficult to obtain, yet few things are as necessary to have. Pieces that may be just as vital to track down are nuggets like the birthmother's favorite childhood games. Try to interview people who had contact with birth family members. Treat the orphanage staff as extended birth family. Get quotes about your child, the full name of the person quoted, and photos.


Open adoption? Don't be shy - find out as much as possible about the birthfather, his childhood interests, talents, nationality, personality traits, favorite things. Do the same for the birthmother.


Treat each opportunity as if it were the last, because you simply never know what the future might bring. Lifebook information comes to you via official documents, your recollections and experiences, and the results of paying attention to new types of information.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Beth O'Malley, speaker, and author of "LifeBooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child", "My Foster Care Journey", and "For When I'm Famous: A Teen Foster/Adoption LifeBook", is a former foster baby, and has worked over 18 years as a social worker. She is married and lives on the ocean outside of Boston. She can be reached at 1.800.469.9666 or lifebooks@earthlink.net or her Web site, www.adoptionlifebooks.com.

Lifebooks - Every Adopted Child Needs One

Yes - Yes - I have CHEATED, and cut and pasted this from a fabulous site on the net! (See Author infor at the end of the post) The link to the site is available by clicking on the title of this post...

And also- I have begun our daughter's lifebook already - with a complete copy of the paperwork, letters, forms, photos, and then a series of letters we wrote to her - kept in matchy-matchy envelopes, and glued into the lifebook for her to open and read when she is older. It is important for me to at least try as hard as I personally can - to make sure ALL our children KNOW they were wanted and loved - even before they were born. I am hoping that starting a Lifebook early will provide the same reassurance that a pregnacy journal does. ANYWAY - enough blabbering from me! Read on...

Information is gold when you are adopted. Every tiny piece is precious, whether it's a photo or quote from the orphanage staff. LifeBooks help put all the information pieces together in a way that helps your child make sense of, and ultimately feel good, about his/her history.

People often ask me, "What is a LifeBook?" I respond, "It's the best gift you can ever give an adopted child. A LifeBook is a record of an adoptee's life that uses words, photos, your child's artwork, computer graphics, and memorabilia."

But it's more than a life story. It is a unique opportunity for parents to honor every minute of their child's life. A LifeBook is an adoption security blanket. It makes talking about adoption feel like everyday conversation. Putting your child's life story on paper is such a simple concept. Who would have guessed that the benefits are countless?

"My daughter's LifeBook only brought us closer and increased her trust in me." - Mary McGuire, adoptive mom of seven- year-old Cassie, adopted from China.

Yes, the concept is simple. Is a LifeBook therefore easy to write? Maybe, maybe not.
The stories and photos abound once a child enters his/her family. (How many boxes of pictures do you have stored away?) But that's not the child's beginning. Imagine a picture of someone that gets cut off at the knees. This is what it feels like not to have or to discuss your history. Adoptees end up with a floating or numb sensation with no roots to attach to. I should know. I spent my first five months in foster care before being adopted. I listened carefully to the silences around adoption during my childhood.

Some families are reluctant to consider a LifeBook. We have no information - how can we write when we know nothing? ¨ There are now a number of creative ways to work with little or no information. Ironically, it becomes even more critical for the child with little biographical data to have a LifeBook. Just because a child doesn't talk about it¨ doesn't mean s/he isn't thinking about the other parts of his/her life. Often it's that pre-photo period that adoptees crave to know more about.

It's that sense of missing pieces that can affect attachment or concentration for adopted children. LifeBooks can fill in the missing pieces with words, artwork, and photos, if available. The words will create pictures when none exist.

"My Mother is a social worker who now uses LifeBooks in her work. I wish LifeBooks were available 22 years ago. Maybe I wouldn't have so many unanswered questions." - Kate, age 22, adult adoptee from Colombia, herself a new social worker.

Adopted children often have secret thoughts about why they were adopted. Many believe that somehow they are responsible for the separation from their birth family. At the age of six I decided that my birth parents died in a plane crash in Africa. I didn't tell a soul. Then I changed the story. It was always death. It's the power of magical thinking. LifeBooks help reduce magical thinking and fantasy. They free up an adoptee to pay better attention in school. Or to be more available to focus on talents and interests. Better for a child to be out playing soccer or painting a picture than to be fantasizing endlessly about what happened.¨

If your child comes from another country, be aware that it's important to discuss the country's conditions and/or rules for adoptions. Often this is the only explanation a child has as to why s/he was placed. LifeBooks are the ultimate teaching tool and they can save hours of therapy later in life.

Remind your children of the ways they are connected to their adoptive family, despite not looking like you. This may be in the form of similar voice patterns, talents, food choices or interests. It took me 45 years to figure out that I got my dry sense of humor from my adoptive father. (OK, so I was a little slow.) Never assume that your child doesn't want to be reminded of these connections often. They bear repeating.

In his/her story, make your child the star and celebrate both their resiliency and survival.
"Sara's Story: What better way to welcome her than by preparing and preserving her history with a LifeBook?" - Mimi Robins, adoptive grandmother of 4 year-old-old Sara, from China.
Help your children to feel proud of their own strengths and the strengths of their birth parents. As Corinne Rayburn, LCSW, LMFT, Co-Director of the Center For Family Connections says, "Birth families are like inlaws: you didn't pick them but have to [accept] them."¨ If you don't have any information, then look to your child's talents and wonder if perhaps they got their artistic talents from that unknown birth father.

The Birthparent Page of a LifeBook really helps out with those tough adolescent years when identity issues begin to peak. The more your child knows, the more that s/he will feel "real".
Some would argue, "Our family is very open and always talks about adoption, so why write it down?" Because a book that you and your child can pick up and hold gives the adoptee control over his/her own story. A child can look at it when the urge hits, without having to ask. It becomes symbolic for adoption discussion.

"Mama read me my LifeBook," or "Where's my LifeBook, I want to show it to my friend." The older a child gets, the more tools a family needs to communicate on adoption issues.
If you are starting to think that LifeBooks are very powerful, you may be wondering where to begin. Here are a few suggestions from Dr. Vera Fahlberg, national adoption expert:

· Start with the child's birth; (Or during the adoption process if you are freaky like me!!)
· Always discuss the birth mother and birth father (even if you know nothing, say that you don't know);
· Talk about the reason for separation from the biological family.

I like to include the original birth certificate (if available). This official record always fascinates children of any age. Court papers or official records will suffice if no birth certificate is available.

Once you have laid the foundation with birth history, then add the fun part, the time when they joined your family. Don't get caught up in creating the "perfect" LifeBook. LifeBooks become worn and torn and more beautiful with age. The only real mistake you can make is never to begin. The ultimate MAGIC to creating a treasured LifeBook is to start it, work on it as a family, and give it your child. Even if it only has five pages, it is tangible proof to your child that s/he is precious enough to deserve this treasure.

See??? Couldn NOT have said it better myself!! Hope you are inspired...
;-D

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Beth O'Malley, speaker, and author of "LifeBooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child", "My Foster Care Journey", and "For When I'm Famous: A Teen Foster/Adoption LifeBook", is a former foster baby, and has worked over 18 years as a social worker. She is married and lives on the ocean outside of Boston. She can be reached at 1.800.469.9666 or lifebooks@earthlink.net or her Web site, www.adoptionlifebooks.com.

Lifebooks - Amazing Resources

Beth O'Malley's Website:
http://www.adoptionlifebooks.com/ This site, created by Beth O’Malley, author of Lifebooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child (Adoption-Works, 2000), includes articles and tips on creating lifebooks, links to other useful Web sites, a schedule of lifebook workshops and conferences around the country, and a “Lifebook Shoppe” offering workbooks designed for different age groups and situations. Parents of older children, be sure to check out For When I’m Famous, a very hip lifebook designed expressly for teens.

Smile Box:
http://www.smilebox.com/designTypes/scrapbooks.jsp?partner=google&campaign=search_scrapbook This is the coolest thing I have found in... MONTHS! Free scrapbooking software, so you can print cute stuff out on your own printer! Phew! It's like a scrapbooking photoshop. Free for 14 days, and then... $24?? Something like that. LOVE it!!

Picaboo:

http://www.picaboo.com/?cm=gn&ad=ap&cp=NA&md=web&siteID=g9qnrsyyLdQ-udvaHC1_BSAj5qrM4I1mJg This is super cool too! It is a free downloadable program that helps you create a professionally published Lifebook. You write the words, pic the pictures, and the company publishes it for you! Looks super nice. Pricing is $75 for a hardcover (linen) 20 page book. A suede leather cover is an additional $10, and each extra page is $3.

Scrap and Tell:
http://www.scrapandtell.com/ Adoption scrapbook/lifebook supplies and information, wide selection of goodies, samples of actual page layouts, articles etc

Sticker Planet:
http://www.stickerplanet.com/1 800 –557-8678 call for a catalog. Aren’t stickers fun? You can find kid stickers for Multicultural and Caucasian children—they have them all!!

Scrapbook Addicts:
http://www.scrapbookaddict.com/ Excellent one stop website for materials, on-line scrapbooking lessons, chat rooms as well as links to other resources. Readers rate how well they like different albums, books etc.

Life Preserves:
http://www.lifepreserves.com/ Here you’ll find lifebooks as well as memory albums and scrapbooks designed for all sorts of blended families, from adoptive and foster to step-families.

Adopt Shop:
www.adoptshoppe.com/lifebooks.htm Books about lifebooking and albums to help you get started. Don’t miss the Hold on Tight to Your Dream series of memory books customized for children adopted domestically and in various countries abroad.

Caroline’s Collection:
http://www.carolinescollection.com/ Lifebook and scrapbook embellishments with adoption and multicultural themes, handcrafted by a mom who got hooked after creating a lifebook for her son, adopted in Guatemala.

Time Capsule Website:
http://dmarie.com/timecap/step1.asp Discover what happened the day you were born. Headlines, toys, movies, or even famous people born on same date. Free

Day of Birth:
http://www.dayofbirth.co.uk/ Learn what day of the week you were born on. Discover how many days until your next birthday, how many seconds old you are. Plus other links. Free

Behind the Name:
http://www.behindthename.com/ Want to know what a name means? From anywhere in the world? This unique site has articles, tools and links helpful for any family.no charge

Birthday Weather:
http://www.wunderground.com/ Find the weather for any state or country. If you want weather for a historical date i.e. your child’s birthday, Go to that country/city you want, enter that date Free

History Channel: This day in history:
.http://www.historychannel.com/tdih/ Categories include general interest, entertainment, old west, technology. Not all kid friendly but lots of potential. Free

All about Flags:
http://www.crwflags.com/fotw/flags/index.html Excellent site. Information and flags from all over the world.

Interested in finding a map? Google it.
Go to http://www.goggle.com/ and type in“ maps—name of country or state/province” There are many sites which have downloadable maps, geography facts, etc.. Very helpful tool for showing where children are born and where they live now.