The Grass is Always Greener

Well – THAT might be an over statement, but here is the latest and the greatest… sorta!!

Meer is doing ok… it is Friday, and I have managed to hoard ½ a dose of Infant Tylenol – DHL is expected to arrive tomorrow.

Attempted to sack (FIRE – for all you who don’t speak British English!!) our gardener last night… He started working for us as a night askari (Swahili for guard), and then when we moved to this house and required someone to open the gate in the day, we moved him to days, and he began gardening and tending to the dogs. He is generally a nice guy – happy – but as the past few months have gone on, he has gotten slower and slower – to the point of our yard looking like we don’t have a gardener at ALL! Our grass was long and going to SEED, I was picking up dog shit myself, etc.

Anyway – a couple weeks ago he asked for a RAISE. Seriously. And since he didn’t get one (he was already being paid his askari salary – which is 12 hours a day, 7 days a week – and only working 8 hour days, 6 days a week. Raise enough, if you ask me. But no – he wanted more. Fine – I admire the spirit to ask for what you want… but picking up dog shit so Meer doesn’t fall on it, and Meer tripping on sticks, rocks, bones, and debris on the “lawn” – unacceptable. But whatever – I kept my mouth shut waiting for Kush to come home from work early enough to deal with it.

Until yesterday…

I hear this honking at the gate, and then I see JOSAPHINE (our over-achieving housegirl) running to the gate! I’m like – HUH? It was 4:30pm, meaning our gardener was on duty until 5pm – but no where to be seen.

So Kush’s mom and sister arrive to play with Meer and deliver dinner (GOTTA LOVE IT!). I walk around to the staff quarters, and sure enough – our gardener is all clean and showered – putting on his shoes ready to go home! So basically he spends the last hour of his day getting ready to leave! Anyway – I calmly said in Swahili for him to report to my husband’s office tomorrow, and not to work here. He said “fine.”, and that was that.

Well. When my sister in law was leaving, the gardener complained to her that “because of you I am sacked.” HUH? NO! Because you cannot fulfill your duties at ANYTIME in the day – you are sacked. Can’t pick up dog shit. Can’t cut the grass. And now can’t open the gate. Simple, if you ask me.

In his defense – our hedge that borders our neighbours is always immaculate. He DOES like to trim the hedge where he can speak with the staff next door. And he likes to sweep the driveway WAY up by the gate (we have a super long driveway) for the same reasons. But anywhere BORING – like near the house, or where Meer plays – he doesn’t like working there.

Two weeks ago I made him a daily list of things I wanted done – so he didn’t feel like he has to sweep the Looooooong driveway everyday – do it 3 times a week. Or trim the perfect hedge for 6 hours everyday – not necessary. 3 days a week trim the hedge. 3 days a week cut the grass. I mean – that is TWENTY FOUR HOURS A WEEK to maintain the LAWN. I figure a guy could do that with his TEETH, let alone machinery. Seriously.

Anyway – STILL – nothing is being done around the house. I can hear him yacking away ALL morning – every morning. Then at 2pm he picks up some equipment and wanders out in front of some window to “work” – expecting me to be taking Meer out to play in the afternoons.

Point is – I AM white, but I am NOT stupid. I actually HAVE worked in my life. MacDonald’s was my first job. Safe to say I am fully aware of working your way up the pay scale! Jease. Lazy bugger.

So – as luck would have it, Kush pulled into the driveway like 4 minutes later. Once AGAIN I got “the eye” for sacking someone with Kush or James (our driver/manager/assistant guy) being home. They are concerned that the employee with pull a hairy-kairy and go nuts when I am home alone. I really have a hard time biting my tongue when my freaking HOUSEGIRL is running to the gate during work hours! Like seriously – the woman is fantastic. She has the house pulled together almost singlehandedly by 11am. Then she does anything she can think of to occupy the rest of the hours. ASKARI duty – NOT REQUIRED. Anyway – I flipped. CALMLY, but like seriously. How could I just let THAT one slide?? Freaking SHOWERING during work hours? Please.

Anyway – that was yesterday. And he is outside washing my car this morning, so I guess he wants to work. I have no idea! He certainly won’t be showering, that’s for sure!! Ha ha ha!!

Ugh. I know it sounds all nice to have staff, but somedays it feels like it would be a lot easier to have the appliances to do the work yourself; dishwasher, lawnmower, vacuum cleaner…

OH! And did I meantion that he basically called me a LIAR too? He told Kush I had NEVER picked up dog shit and that I had NEVER told him to do it, or showed him the dog shit. I actually had to go drag my houseman out to confirm that on TWO SEPERATE OCCASIONS I HAD indeed PICKED UP DOG SHIT. Nice one. Kush is concerned that if we fire him "badly", he can bring thugs from the slums to our house to rob us, or what-have-you. Valid point, and everything, but HOW annoying! Anyway - let's see... maybe it will be his own idea to quit sooner than later anyway!

Sigh...